Letter From a Fox: A Birthday Letter

Dear Jaguar,

What should I say more to you? Well, there are lots of things to say to you. A lot of ways to describe your importance and the value of your presence in my recovering life. Seeing you grow with age makes me glad. You maybe older with age but your heart never changes. Its still the same heart that beats for the important things you want to achieve in this life..and hopefully, I would also become one of the things you want to have and keep in your life.

Your beautiful face is on my mind while writing this letter to you while a soulful music is playing on. You have become one of my thousand favorite songs or shall I say, my most favorite song out of my thousand favorite songs. I wish I could see you someday and sing you a song that always plays in my heart. A song that makes my heart skip a beat. Well..You are that song. A melody that is yet to be written with our very own hands..together. It won't matter if its short or long, what would matter most is that we would be able to write it together on a perfect time in our lives.

I don't have much to offer because I am nothing compare to you. You are the Beautiful One. But if I would be given the chance and the opportunity, apparently I would give it to you. It's silly but I am one of those people who does not think when it comes to how much you should love and how much you should hide. I am a hopeless romantic. Every little thing you do or say means so much to me and I get so easily sentimental. Because I don't think I would be able to find someone like you again in my life.

How I wish I could wrap myself in a present box and send it straight at your door. If its only that easy..I would.

I wish upon the Northern Star..(because she is the brightest and strongest of all the stars in our night sky)..Please, shine brighter on the night my Beautiful One would celebrate his birthday. If he would ask for a wish, I would gladly sacrifice my own wish to you for his wish come true. If Pinocchio asked to become a real boy and Beautiful One asked to become a real man, you know what to do..make his wish come true.

You know the wish I would sacrifice freely just for you? 'I wish to be with you'

Happy Birthday..Beautiful One..


Sincerely,

Kaplan

Letter from a Fox: City of Dreams

I just came back again from reality...

There's a place I know where everything I am dreaming of is reality. A place where I can always have you. A place where kissing and embracing you is not a crime. Where your smile feels like it has finally found its home. Where your bright eyes meets my sad yet hopeful eyes. My beautiful one..

A city of dreams is a place I built for me and for the person I want to live with for a lifetime. You see, not anyone can enter that city but me and....You. I always enter the city to see if everything is intact and in great memory condition. I always wanted to take you with me and if you would like to. You will never get lost in that city because I will always be at your side ready for any risks. Although right now, I am alone..with me, you will never be alone. I Promise.

No one can take away anything that's inside it. These are my precious and most treasured memories of my life. Its all yours beautiful one. It has always been yours..like my heart. Once you take it, it is stolen and will never come back to me. But as long as you hold it and keep it with you, I will feel safety for my city. Its the key to my city I have given you. So how will I enter when you have my heart? I can see you but I could not even reach out to you. You have to come with me beautiful one.

Just like in a dream, if I have the ability to visit you often in your dreams I will. To remind you that I am always here waiting for you. Show you how much I yearn and long for you. This kind of love will never end..this is my prayer..this is my devotion. I beg my Creator to let me have and hold you in my shattering world.

Letter from a Fox: Growing Love

Do you remember how we first met? How my searching eyes found your searching soul. I was not so sure about you and you were not to. I found you in an odd way I consider kismet..

I don't know but talking to you everyday makes me happy..makes me lively. Its like I cannot call it a day without seeing you and your sweet smile. Even your eyes smile for me..I feel that its going to be mine. I have found a deeper courage this time for love. I will keep you this time..at this very moment my feelings for you is burning like the brightest fire in a dark and cold desert.

I know I talk like a fool sometimes..I act like a fool..a fool for love. I cannot stop myself from keeping in touch with you. I can't stop now..you have become a part of my life. I would always wait in front of the monitor for your messages that would warm up my uncertain and dying hope that it will be me and you in the nearest future.

Have you ever heard or felt the unspeakable kind of love? A love that makes me weak and strong. A love that makes me cry and pray. A love that embraces me whenever I see you in front me even when we are thousand miles apart. I can see a new groovy kind of love between you and me. I really feel you are finally home. You just have to realize it and I am here to help you.

I always dream of you because you are my ideal. The one whom I can hold for a lifetime. I know this because I have been waiting for you for such a long time. Is it silly to ask you the same things every time we talk? Why does it sometimes feel so hard to tell you what I really feel inside me? I always cut the words that could change your way..and maybe a way towards me. You are the reason I can run and sing in the rain!

You make my long sleepless nights shorter and brighter. With you, I can feel forgiveness to all my past love who have become stars instead of sad tearful memories. My sad desperate call..please answer my aching heart. I won't give up this time. I will give you my best..a quest for true love. Give me a chance to show you..how much I can love you..how much I long for you.

Letter from a Fox: The Beautiful One

Every day that God makes, I wait you...I wait for a new excitement with you. You are so beautiful. I cannot imagine finding a person like you. I never thought that I would never feel this way again after a very sad separation. You have lit a thousand candles in my darkest hours. With you, I start to believe that a broken mirror can be whole again. Can I ask you a question?...Are you the right one for me? My heart is crying for an answer for quite a long time now.

Every word you leave, leaves me breathless. By the way, you are just exactly the way I was with the bright eyes I used to admire. Because of that, you keep me hanging on with you. I have found my reflection. How I treasure your words..'I want to have you in reality and not just in dreams.' Someone like you..appreciates me more than I deserve..more than I thought and wished.

There is a saying, 'All beautiful things have their end'...

Just look at the fire, so bright and flaming but after some time it dies out and turns to dust. So is a star..and so are you. My beautiful one..do you really have to come into my life and pass? Its like I have always known you can't stay long..because you are not meant for me. I can tell you why but I don't want to tell you right now. I am not ready yet for the plunge. If I do and swim under waters I know I will never find you anymore.

How can someone like you be forgotten? I will never forget you..you told me not to forget you. You are so funny beautiful one..you keep telling me I am your princess. Do I look any princess-like to you when you are the beautiful one. You are the pure and loving creature, not me. You might ask me, 'Why?' Because there are so many things you still do not know about me. Things that I try to cover up with my physical appearance and that makes me the ugly one. Is it a sin to love you naturally? Do I really have a corrupted heart? But if you try to see through it..its just you inside..just you.

I don't want to know when our expiration is. I just want to treasure every bit of you now. For the second time in my life, I do crazy, unbelieavable things that I once did for a life's dream of a true love. I chose you without trusting you..but just by completely loving you. You are so sweet and lovely and someone who cannot be found anywhere I go. Spare me and I know even the word 'Sorry' does not fit me.

Before I'd go to sleep tonight, I would dream of the morning to come when I can continue admiring and loving you. You are nailing down my heart..Beautiful One.

Letter from a Fox: A Man's Monologue

Who would care for what I really feel inside? I am man..

I may look hard and sometimes a pinhead when it comes to your emotions. but I am not an open book and you know it. I only opened up myself to you when I started to feel trusting you. Am I supposed to cry for a love that can be replaced after a week or a month? Am I strong or weak? If I will not cry in front of you will you think I am heartless? If I cry and you see, will you consider it as my sincerity for your well-being that I did not mean to harm?

From all my strength I found my weakness..and that is you. I am so sorry I did not get to protect you from my secrecies and lies. You should know, it does not mean I want to hurt or leave you..Sometimes, I want to know and feel how much you would want me back after a mistake. You are always the right one for me. Believe it or not, I do not have a wandering eye..and I only have your wonderful eyes. Look at me, you have made a loyal fan out of me. If I am the reason for all your tears, I am not afraid that one day He will ask all of these from my already under pressured soul. I want to show you my honesty and sincerity...my love.

How I'd wish you could see me now..see a memory of your beautiful face in my sad and lonely face. What can a man do after a separation? Cry? Have fun? Meet a woman or two? Two thousand and two hundred fifty five days with you and after that..a million years without you. A million light years without the light. The sun and the moon have proclaimed their allegiance to you beautiful one..The brightest star that dazzled the life in me. Why have all the stars lessened their sparkles when you left? What kind of a man I was and I made you leave.

Woman, you left me at exact seven-thirty in the evening..from then on my clock do not tick..the time in my heart is always an hour before you left. I was burning for the last time I felt the last warmth of your love. I could not imagine myself said the word, I Love You in the way I said it to you for the first time. Is this really how it feels when its at its end? Isn't it funny that we only feel the burning flame at the start and at the end..

My sweet and tender kiss. My soft cry. My crazy sleepless nights. My mesmerizing beautiful days..

Come back to me..before summer arrive..

Letter from a Fox: The Blonde Brunette

From now on the world will change its course. There will be no more late and lonely nights unlike a thousand times before. There would be no more reason to cry herself to sleep. No more anger to harvest from the very root of her painful emotions. She has finally learned that there is no use of looking back when the world is turning around.

From the color of her hair, from black to blonde..see the difference how darkness turned to light? From a cold smokey to a warm terra cotta eye makeup. No more smudged makeup and wet face from tears. The sound of her heels will be heard again not her silent bare foot steps. Her sweet laughter has awaken. She has finally came out from the underworld to the top of the world. No, there is no more reason for being so loving and understanding..she won't be the same anymore. You may have known her as the woman who always embraced you from your back and cry for love while you sleep but she won't do it anymore..its not her style from now on. The history of the famous self sacrificing and self denying woman is revealed to all of you who misunderstood her. She is not afraid for all of you to know that her decisions are not meant for somebody but for her.

Her grace will be restored again and her precious smile won't be wasted this time. She will dance to the tune of her favorite song when she was young. She will sing again and you will hear the fresh melody of her voice. Not cracked but full and promising. As she wave her floral handkerchief goodbye to all the sister sorrows who tried to bring her down. Please don't cry for her, she is physically healthy and mentally wealthy..

Yet, she still know the words like 'love' and 'dreams' she is not heartless. The stars at night are shining brightly only for her. The army of angels are at her back. The wonderful future is ahead. Her newly painted hair is flapping freely with the wind of wonderful wits.


How can she be forgotten? The blonde brunette of your life.

Letter from a Fox: Dreamcatcher

As I hang on with full hope that one day you will realize I am your capteur de rêve. Since the day I came to your life I always have this feeling that I will be special to you. Days, months and years may pass but as long as you keep me here in your room I will do my best to protect you. I would catch all your bad dreams and I promise they will disappear in the first light of the day. I will only allow and slide down good dreams in your sweet and bright eyes. To see you smile while you sleep gives joy to my solitary life. If I would be given a chance I would stay here for a lifetime. I will never leave you. I will guide you and take you to places I have been in dreams and show you my capabilities.

Being me is quite hard. I have lots of unspoken feelings for you. Sometimes I find myself crying for a love that would never be. But do not worry, I will still stay here to trap the things that makes you lonely and sorrowful. If only my feathers could wipe away your silver tears and let them dry with me..

I remember the day when I was blown so hard by the wind and I fell on the floor. You found me and cried. You thought I was injured..it was a happy memory..you cared for me and it was real.

You would not need to leave the light open while you sleep. There is nothing to be afraid of in the dark. I am here. I may look breakable but I am not what I look from the outside. I am brave and courageous. I am a warrior. I am the spirit of dreams. I have been sent in this form to keep my egoism low. You may ask why am I like this? Because I was once a selfish lover...I took my love for granted..the spirit of reality. I thought I could keep my other half with me in dreams and in dreams only we shall live and be together forever. Reality has awaken me and told me to stop dreaming. I did not want to accept it so I left and ran away.

I may seem as strange as my willow hoop, net and feathers but please let me be. I may look useless and dubious but please do not let me down. Do not take me away from your sight. Let me feel how to love and be appreciated again. If its not too much to ask, let me feel reality once more, mon cœur, mon amour.

Letter from a Fox: Sister Solitude

I have left everything in the air. Let the fire burn the pieces of each memories I have in my heart. Let the soil bury all the tears from my eyes...for they are not needed anymore.

I have left for love. I have left for the sake of our sanity. How much I loved..how much strength I gave to keep you in my desperate life. But its all over now. I must go my way to the place where I came from. It is not easy and it is actually hard to decide when I really can't make the last decision. My way is far from you. Where I won't see your bright eyes anymore. The one of the beautiful things in the world that was keeping me alive.

My last piece of the puzzle is forever gone. I would never be whole again. Once I lost you, I can never swim the ocean again like the way I used to. Goodbye to the summer sky and winter snow..farewell to the first bloom of mayflower in spring to the first dead maple leaf in autumn. I will see you all one day even the one who holds my heart. The river is near and road is still twelve miles away..I have to travel alone..with my sweet and tired feet.

Where is the colorful rainbow that appears after the rain? What about the five o'clock pink and orange sky in my childhood days? The park where I used to play hide and seek with my friends. All of them have come to pass and so our promises.

I won't touch you at this very moment that I am leaving, I am as cold as a pavement and you are a warm bed in a winter night. I won't bid you a sad goodbye..I want you to smile for the last time and that is all I will take with me. To the place where I can continue loving you for eternity without all these differences and uncertainties that kept us apart. I will love you until the world's finality. My beautiful destiny.

Letter from a Fox: Eagle Eyes

It all started out with this and that. It all started when you see right through me with your eagle eyes in a different way or I see right through you in my own and a bit crooked way. But the nights became a bit warmer than the usual and less lonely than the usual too. Somehow, you are just exactly like the one I always dreamed of and also had a few times. I can't imagine how you have found me. I thought that I could never do anymore wrong in my life. But here you are, tempting me to start up a bonfire and dance and be happy once again.

Its like a tall tale of Pecos Bill. I mean, you are my Pecos Bill. The cowboy who 'tamed the wild west', remember? How do you lassoed an angel and made her stay? I guess from all your experiences from the asylum made you who you are or what you are. I also came from somewhere but its more like a conservatory. I came from a place where I was thought to cultivate myself but I have been neglected and so I died. But then again, I am breathing once more when you've found me in the desert. Because of you at least I feel alive again but with a huge question in my mind, 'Will I die again?'

I must say, from the way you speak to me, write to me and the way you behave me is very much appreciated. I guess you will never know how important is your fleeting existence in my life. Knowing you is like missing the younger me. The one who was light-hearted and untroubled. You really do make me smile even when I am alone. Its like having a very special friend from Never Land who keeps telling me to play and play while you are young and go back home before dark. I was and I am wild and free.

I thought about it once or twice who you really are and I think..I feel like I know now who you are. You were also just like me. A star less brighter and less warmer which was passed and hit many times by the bigger and dangerous objects in the universe. I know it won't be long one of us would be blasted off from where we are located but know that we are special. We are what other stars envy. We may not be destined to live in the same galaxy but we understand each other's value. You are a priceless being. You are my wonderful cruiser and I am your sweet, little siren.

Letter from a Fox: The Vigilant Lighthouse

I had so many dreams for us and they are all for us. One of my biggest dream is to emit a powerful and bright light unto your life. But that cannot happen if you do not let me have the liberty to shine my fullest for you. You have hid yourself from the light my love. It hurts me a lot that you could not understand the purpose of my existence in this world. I myself never understood before too but here I am and all figured out that my mission is you. My shooting star. My fallen star.

I can assure you that you can sleep restful every night. As long as I am here, as long as they have not taken me away yet..completely..out of your life. I may have been born as a human but there's always a secret in between the lines of our lives. I am your guardian angel. I may be younger than your days but I am older enough to hold you and to embrace you and to protect you. You are so tiny and so frail and helpless. You may not know it but I know because I was told so. You may think that I sound absurd but your negative thoughts for me won't shake me. I am always here. I may seem far from you but I am near..I am always beside you. Everytime you would close your eyes that's when I appear as your sight from the things that you don't see at night while you sleep.

I am not hard to approach my love. I can never be hard on you, my other half. I made promises many times before. I made a promise in front of the One who sent me. I made a promise to myself and to you..I will hold true to my words.

There is a light that is unyielding. A light that would never stop. A light that would aid you from all your navigation in your life. A light that will keep you away from dangerous rocks and hazardous shoals. It really hurts me to see you get hit merciless with the angry waves but my fortress is strong and I will stand here and call for help to save you in time. I will keep all your entries safe in any harbour you would like to dock on to. My light will be forever watchful and searchful for the one I am destined to. I am your lighthouse. Yes, I am sad because I am alone here but I do not end there. I am the fire that never dies.

Letter from a Fox: Shards of Mirror

Becareful stepping in a room full of broken things. You might get yourself bruised or wounded. I have a room full of broken mirrors but before when the days were bright it was the loveliest room I have ever seen. A room full of dreams, hope and love. It was such a special place that gave glow to my gloomy and doubtful life. Everytime I would make a mistake, I would just enter that room and feel safe again from all my stains. From all the people who did not believe in us, I would find my sanctuary ..there. I don't even know the reason why they would not believe in us? We have our differences yes, and even have arguments and disagreements but that would be disrespectful to wish a once beautiful relationship to end. By the way, before that room was completely locked, I took the liberty to take some few things with me..just few..happy memories. I don't think its kind to leave it all inside. But just in case that you want to keep some happy memories for yourself, I have left some happy memories you can reminisce..love. How can I take it all with me? when we used to share things together, remember?

If you would end up having a strange feeling of reminiscing the good times, I am here. We can still count sheep clouds in the sky. We can still roll down the hill from time to time. Nobody can do it better than us. Just like the way you would wink your eye..to reassure me that everything will be alright.

Do you remember the color of the walls in that room? Was it pink? or blue? I know..it makes me smile too. It was a room for me and you. You told me you would re-decorate it when I left but it seems like you haven't done it yet. You said, the way I decorated the room made it pretty small. But why don't you re-arrange the furnitures? Does the room became big for you now in solitude. I am sorry, I cannot help you with this one. I don't know how to decorate and arrange a room for a solo. I learned things with you..you know that. Even the shards of the mirror that I used to look at when I fix my make-up for you..its so hard to put them back together. Like an old woman who could not get over a broken thing. She would still keep it safe in a box or in a safe place where nobody could reach and harm it anymore..just because it has its sentimental value to her. Like my heart.

Letter from a Fox: Constellation (Pt.1)

At night before I go to sleep, you would always linger in my mind. You are like a dream that does not happen inside my mind but happens at the very moment I would gaze at you or catch a glimpse of you. A touch by definition is to extend a hand to reach or rest on someone. I may not have touched your hand yet but the way you touched my heart is more than that. Somehow it is surprising that I find myself longing for you, you who is a complete stranger to me. I don't know your secrets and your favorites but I can get to know you. I am more than willing to reach out to you..because..because I think..I feel that I am the one for you. It might sound silly but that's what I felt from the moment I saw you in His temple.

There are times when I really wanted to give up my feelings for you because the more I hope, the more it hurt me. Stupid me..but everybody becomes stupid when falling in love? I have became a few times and its alright. I can always wait for you to realize my existence. My future other half. If I would be given the chance to ask God one question, It would be about you. If in any circumstance that you will play a very important role in my life?

I have seen so many stars at night ever since I have this love for you. If by any chance you are also gazing at the same night sky, we could talk about the stars. Your bright eyes are like stars..I didn't know that stars could be this near. I am sorry if I am not that good with words. Its just that I am surprised that I could be this close to you. Please don't take my presence badly, being near you keeps me happy.

Maybe for now this is the only way we can be..I can be. We are newly added stars in the vast, endless universe and my wish is to be there for you as you shine your full shine. I will always be here, my friend. My happy unspoken days..my constellation.

Letter from a Fox: Nobody's fault..

I walked outside the street and while walking it started raining. Normally I would find a shelter from the rain but this time, somehow the falling of the rain felt different..I felt it comforting. Why do I feel that I have two feelings between us? When they tell me that I did a good decision of leaving you and that I am a brave and intelligent girl somehow it lifts up my dignity. But whenever we are together despite all the problems and differences why do I always feel ready to forgive and forget? Ever since I left I know every one who knows us have their own say with our relationship. Some are blaming you and some are blaming me for ruining something..something that they were unsure of and in the first place, they wanted to destroy and finally happened. They say its good for me to break up with you..you who have a wandering eye and uncertainty.

Didn't I love him the way he wanted me to love him? Wasn't I good enough? How does a person force herself to change and please somebody? It wasn't that hard and yet it wasn't easy. It was carried out of love and hope. I do not want to hear others blaming you for our separation. It wasn't like that..we ended up like this because I did him wrong too. Because I loved him too much and held him too tight..and I annoyed him too much. Nous avons séparé..

He was very good to me. There could be no other man who could love me the way he did. He accepted me and cherished me after all my negativity and bad character. He showed me how to be loved and taught me how to love back without a cost. He made a strong woman out of me.

If we were the kind of couple whom people envied, then what went wrong? Where have all our spirits gone? Did we miss something important that we were supposed to prioritize? Show me the old and bright 'you' that I have fell in love with a thousand times before. The worth of loving and understanding you from the very beginning until the end of our lives. I have loved you with all my life and you know this very well. I could not even hate you now even if people are pointing at you. Even the people who cares for me, I could not even side them. Whoever blames you, they are wrong..I just can't hate you. Its not my nature to hate you. The real me was with you where ever in this world we end up and looking at your bright eyes.

Letter from a Fox: Inside my pochette

I'll keep it all. I won't throw a single piece that reminds me of those happy hours. How can somebody throw her own treasure? treasures are for keeping or for hiding.. The first day I called your name on the terminal is a treasure. At last, I called you and you looked back and ran to me. Being speechless on the first day I was with you is a treasure. The existence of excitement was overwhelming. The first night with you, we slept but I did not fully sleep..I was merely watching you and those hours are treasures. When you woke up, it was your smile that is a un million de dollars sourire. Could I keep you for a lifetime? I held your hand and it felt so real. Of course you are, we are deux étoiles in the future galaxy called Very Milky Way. Even though the road was hard, long and winding, we managed to be together that day. We had a very tough one. Too tough others don't have any idea how tough. Everyday I will be on bended knees and pray..you won't astray. We are weak but together we are strong. We are double AA batteries, we support each other's energy and when we are all consumed, we die together. Don't let my hopes down mon amour its the only bridge left for me to you. But I can always paint another bridge on a canvass and then I will add a girl with all her things left behind and she is just wearing her favorite purple dress you bought. She would walk the same road again blind-folded because she only have one life and she will try her best to love you again like before. Cold feet can be warmed up and so is your heart and so is the way you look at me with bright eyes. I will stay positive because I love you. Time will test me over and over again and I give its liberty to do so. When you see me again, you will feel that 'Je suis plus fort qu'avant and I shall expect the same from you. Love is a very fulfilling experience. Tell me more of your secrets, your stories I will keep them. You don't need to hide them from me. I am your secret place and will always be. You can hide it with me. Your photo is safe with me, its inside my wallet. Its my treasure. Its me. Its your only one.

Letter from a Fox: Ditty Me & You

You are the sun and I am the moon. Can you remind me the time we used to meet each other before I disappear and you appear brightly in the clear blue sky? The sweet change of the air leaving winter for spring and summer. Does your bed stays warm like our energies used to ignite together with the pure flame of love? Does your laughter changes because its not all the same jokes we used to tell. Do you remember the coffee shop where we used to drink hot chocolate and eat dessert? I just passed by that shop ever since you've left. They may have the best chocolatier and the best cafetiére but the taste on my lips won't be the same. Its better not to enter and might unconsciously rip open all those sugar packs. If I will end up having diabetes and lose my legs, will you be there to look after me and carry me and buy a customized wheel chair for two where I can always see you at my front not pushing me at my back? There's one big star they called Polaris but its not its real name. Between you and me we know its real name. Its a combination of our name, do you remember how we procured a name such as. In your eyes I could see us dancing in the night, under the pale moonlight. How do you like my hair? I know. Long, straight and black. Although I felt sick with black because with black you can't see the secrets that lies behind. I am terribly sorry to admit that when I dyed my hair blond, all the stars fell down and replaced with a glow that covers all worries and sorrows caused by the stubborness of our heads. But we can't hide all these forever as they will prevail when their time comes. You just have to re-touch the broken areas of our mistakes. Honey, I love your hands, your big, thick fingers while mine is smaller and more frail. You held my hand like a delicate baby. You would wash all those dishes for me while I cook your favorite. Such a lovely thing. If I would ask you my favorite filling in a chocolate or ice cream or in a doughnut, would you say the right answer. Yes you will because I asked you before and you said 'Caramel'. I love Caramel. The first pair of Chucks that I have was from you and everytime I wear those shoes I always feel young like nineteen. But we don't get any younger, we grow older and at some point grew weary of each other. Its a big wonder how we ended up like a ran down house in the middle of Lonely Grove. Can we fix us now we are broke? Can we glue our feet on that special room where all our thoughts rest on the same vault we call love. We are publicly humiliated darling but I don't give a shit!

Letter from a Fox: Life's chiennes!

Life has a lot of meaning. It has a lot of ups and downs. It has a lot of reasons and a lot of experiences that we face. At some point of my life, I have reached the level of hopelessness. Even there are families, friends and people who are close to you are there beside you but the most important things in your life that's been soaked and tested to trouble they could not even solve. How could they? When there was one person who supposed to help you could not give his best for you. The same person drained your hope, love and trust. If life is beautiful its only beautiful for people who have seen its beauty and it stayed with them. The beauty of life is not exactly for everybody. The beauty of life that I always wanted did not happen. I have come to realize that everything in life is just a dream and one day you have to find yourself waking up from all those dreams. For those people who envy me, its not worth it, because there is nothing to envy about me. I am not perfect and I am not awesome..I am actually a loser who is just good at hiding all my worries, problems in life. I feel like there is a void in me for having a simple, happy life. There are things that we really want in life but life play tricks on us. It's either to keep our hope elevated for having that dream or directly show us that it is not meant for us but both results to nothingness. Have you ever felt like a paper being blown by the wind carelessly? That is exactly what I felt when my plans in life were crashed. When a plan is crashed down to pieces of depression, you can't help yourself but wonder, why? If its true that people tells me that I am brave and that I am strong then why I have not achieved what I planned for? Is it because I did not give my best? How can somebody tells you that you did not give your best when there is nothing left already at your part. You will found your throat dry, tears dry, and heart dry. The blood that is pumping to your nerves throughout your body that adds glow to your physical appearance somehow fake. Add that killer smile that people envy a lot. They wished that they had your smile..they would be surprised its a fake smile. We should be careful of the things we do or say, we should watch our mouth for what ever words that spills out from it. Don't try to bring someone down! You have no idea that person is already down and you mistakenly pushed her face further on the ground because of your stupidity.

Letter from a Fox: Day by day...

Before when the days were bright and promising, I would always find myself day dreaming. We were together in a place I don't know where but it was somehow like a secret place where I always find you smiling and confident about us. Underneath a tree where you'd tell me things I have never heard before and I was too mesmerized I only hear your voice and stare into your bright eyes with so many possibilities. We were sea gulls in a wide open sky and below us is the vast blue sea.

If I would stretch out my hand further and gather my strength just to touch you while sleeping, if its the last time I would be able to embrace you..I would. I know I am a fool for love. But this was my life. You were my life. If a person would tell me that shifting life to a different life is easy then that person is a phantom. I am not and I was a happy person despite of all the hardships. If only you gripped my hand tighter or if only I gripped yours tighter..A love like ours was destined to happen but you can still call this love. This is the kind of love that teaches us to love more and to value the person. My life with you was not empty. It was not gray either. It was colorful. Red, Pink, Yellow, Green, Blue, Black and White.

I would wake up from now on reluctantly but I will move on. I can't stay crying every day. I would save these tears for the day when we meet again. Like unread love letters..unsent. I would read them out loud for you. I know, loneliness visits you often, it visits me too..I just don't know who it visits first..me or you..but if you do feel lonely at times, I do too. We know, we do not deserve to be separated from all the things we have been through. I am still your best friend. I told you many times and the most remarkable was when we were walking on a crowded road and you told me all your insecurities. From then on, I promised to you I will be your best friend for life. I may ask you every day from afar about the weather. The weather concerns me a lot especially for you. Bad weather, negative feelings..but even Good weather reminds us of good times but since we are apart, good times are like mirrors..with our situation, its too sad to face mirrors. I see a smokey image of you..you felt cold but what matter is, I could still feel you. You are still here...with me.