Letter from a Fox: The Vigilant Lighthouse

I had so many dreams for us and they are all for us. One of my biggest dream is to emit a powerful and bright light unto your life. But that cannot happen if you do not let me have the liberty to shine my fullest for you. You have hid yourself from the light my love. It hurts me a lot that you could not understand the purpose of my existence in this world. I myself never understood before too but here I am and all figured out that my mission is you. My shooting star. My fallen star.

I can assure you that you can sleep restful every night. As long as I am here, as long as they have not taken me away yet..completely..out of your life. I may have been born as a human but there's always a secret in between the lines of our lives. I am your guardian angel. I may be younger than your days but I am older enough to hold you and to embrace you and to protect you. You are so tiny and so frail and helpless. You may not know it but I know because I was told so. You may think that I sound absurd but your negative thoughts for me won't shake me. I am always here. I may seem far from you but I am near..I am always beside you. Everytime you would close your eyes that's when I appear as your sight from the things that you don't see at night while you sleep.

I am not hard to approach my love. I can never be hard on you, my other half. I made promises many times before. I made a promise in front of the One who sent me. I made a promise to myself and to you..I will hold true to my words.

There is a light that is unyielding. A light that would never stop. A light that would aid you from all your navigation in your life. A light that will keep you away from dangerous rocks and hazardous shoals. It really hurts me to see you get hit merciless with the angry waves but my fortress is strong and I will stand here and call for help to save you in time. I will keep all your entries safe in any harbour you would like to dock on to. My light will be forever watchful and searchful for the one I am destined to. I am your lighthouse. Yes, I am sad because I am alone here but I do not end there. I am the fire that never dies.

Letter from a Fox: Shards of Mirror

Becareful stepping in a room full of broken things. You might get yourself bruised or wounded. I have a room full of broken mirrors but before when the days were bright it was the loveliest room I have ever seen. A room full of dreams, hope and love. It was such a special place that gave glow to my gloomy and doubtful life. Everytime I would make a mistake, I would just enter that room and feel safe again from all my stains. From all the people who did not believe in us, I would find my sanctuary ..there. I don't even know the reason why they would not believe in us? We have our differences yes, and even have arguments and disagreements but that would be disrespectful to wish a once beautiful relationship to end. By the way, before that room was completely locked, I took the liberty to take some few things with me..just few..happy memories. I don't think its kind to leave it all inside. But just in case that you want to keep some happy memories for yourself, I have left some happy memories you can reminisce..love. How can I take it all with me? when we used to share things together, remember?

If you would end up having a strange feeling of reminiscing the good times, I am here. We can still count sheep clouds in the sky. We can still roll down the hill from time to time. Nobody can do it better than us. Just like the way you would wink your eye..to reassure me that everything will be alright.

Do you remember the color of the walls in that room? Was it pink? or blue? I know..it makes me smile too. It was a room for me and you. You told me you would re-decorate it when I left but it seems like you haven't done it yet. You said, the way I decorated the room made it pretty small. But why don't you re-arrange the furnitures? Does the room became big for you now in solitude. I am sorry, I cannot help you with this one. I don't know how to decorate and arrange a room for a solo. I learned things with you..you know that. Even the shards of the mirror that I used to look at when I fix my make-up for you..its so hard to put them back together. Like an old woman who could not get over a broken thing. She would still keep it safe in a box or in a safe place where nobody could reach and harm it anymore..just because it has its sentimental value to her. Like my heart.

Letter from a Fox: Constellation (Pt.1)

At night before I go to sleep, you would always linger in my mind. You are like a dream that does not happen inside my mind but happens at the very moment I would gaze at you or catch a glimpse of you. A touch by definition is to extend a hand to reach or rest on someone. I may not have touched your hand yet but the way you touched my heart is more than that. Somehow it is surprising that I find myself longing for you, you who is a complete stranger to me. I don't know your secrets and your favorites but I can get to know you. I am more than willing to reach out to you..because..because I think..I feel that I am the one for you. It might sound silly but that's what I felt from the moment I saw you in His temple.

There are times when I really wanted to give up my feelings for you because the more I hope, the more it hurt me. Stupid me..but everybody becomes stupid when falling in love? I have became a few times and its alright. I can always wait for you to realize my existence. My future other half. If I would be given the chance to ask God one question, It would be about you. If in any circumstance that you will play a very important role in my life?

I have seen so many stars at night ever since I have this love for you. If by any chance you are also gazing at the same night sky, we could talk about the stars. Your bright eyes are like stars..I didn't know that stars could be this near. I am sorry if I am not that good with words. Its just that I am surprised that I could be this close to you. Please don't take my presence badly, being near you keeps me happy.

Maybe for now this is the only way we can be..I can be. We are newly added stars in the vast, endless universe and my wish is to be there for you as you shine your full shine. I will always be here, my friend. My happy unspoken days..my constellation.

Letter from a Fox: Nobody's fault..

I walked outside the street and while walking it started raining. Normally I would find a shelter from the rain but this time, somehow the falling of the rain felt different..I felt it comforting. Why do I feel that I have two feelings between us? When they tell me that I did a good decision of leaving you and that I am a brave and intelligent girl somehow it lifts up my dignity. But whenever we are together despite all the problems and differences why do I always feel ready to forgive and forget? Ever since I left I know every one who knows us have their own say with our relationship. Some are blaming you and some are blaming me for ruining something..something that they were unsure of and in the first place, they wanted to destroy and finally happened. They say its good for me to break up with you..you who have a wandering eye and uncertainty.

Didn't I love him the way he wanted me to love him? Wasn't I good enough? How does a person force herself to change and please somebody? It wasn't that hard and yet it wasn't easy. It was carried out of love and hope. I do not want to hear others blaming you for our separation. It wasn't like that..we ended up like this because I did him wrong too. Because I loved him too much and held him too tight..and I annoyed him too much. Nous avons séparé..

He was very good to me. There could be no other man who could love me the way he did. He accepted me and cherished me after all my negativity and bad character. He showed me how to be loved and taught me how to love back without a cost. He made a strong woman out of me.

If we were the kind of couple whom people envied, then what went wrong? Where have all our spirits gone? Did we miss something important that we were supposed to prioritize? Show me the old and bright 'you' that I have fell in love with a thousand times before. The worth of loving and understanding you from the very beginning until the end of our lives. I have loved you with all my life and you know this very well. I could not even hate you now even if people are pointing at you. Even the people who cares for me, I could not even side them. Whoever blames you, they are wrong..I just can't hate you. Its not my nature to hate you. The real me was with you where ever in this world we end up and looking at your bright eyes.

Letter from a Fox: Inside my pochette

I'll keep it all. I won't throw a single piece that reminds me of those happy hours. How can somebody throw her own treasure? treasures are for keeping or for hiding.. The first day I called your name on the terminal is a treasure. At last, I called you and you looked back and ran to me. Being speechless on the first day I was with you is a treasure. The existence of excitement was overwhelming. The first night with you, we slept but I did not fully sleep..I was merely watching you and those hours are treasures. When you woke up, it was your smile that is a un million de dollars sourire. Could I keep you for a lifetime? I held your hand and it felt so real. Of course you are, we are deux étoiles in the future galaxy called Very Milky Way. Even though the road was hard, long and winding, we managed to be together that day. We had a very tough one. Too tough others don't have any idea how tough. Everyday I will be on bended knees and pray..you won't astray. We are weak but together we are strong. We are double AA batteries, we support each other's energy and when we are all consumed, we die together. Don't let my hopes down mon amour its the only bridge left for me to you. But I can always paint another bridge on a canvass and then I will add a girl with all her things left behind and she is just wearing her favorite purple dress you bought. She would walk the same road again blind-folded because she only have one life and she will try her best to love you again like before. Cold feet can be warmed up and so is your heart and so is the way you look at me with bright eyes. I will stay positive because I love you. Time will test me over and over again and I give its liberty to do so. When you see me again, you will feel that 'Je suis plus fort qu'avant and I shall expect the same from you. Love is a very fulfilling experience. Tell me more of your secrets, your stories I will keep them. You don't need to hide them from me. I am your secret place and will always be. You can hide it with me. Your photo is safe with me, its inside my wallet. Its my treasure. Its me. Its your only one.

Letter from a Fox: Ditty Me & You

You are the sun and I am the moon. Can you remind me the time we used to meet each other before I disappear and you appear brightly in the clear blue sky? The sweet change of the air leaving winter for spring and summer. Does your bed stays warm like our energies used to ignite together with the pure flame of love? Does your laughter changes because its not all the same jokes we used to tell. Do you remember the coffee shop where we used to drink hot chocolate and eat dessert? I just passed by that shop ever since you've left. They may have the best chocolatier and the best cafetiére but the taste on my lips won't be the same. Its better not to enter and might unconsciously rip open all those sugar packs. If I will end up having diabetes and lose my legs, will you be there to look after me and carry me and buy a customized wheel chair for two where I can always see you at my front not pushing me at my back? There's one big star they called Polaris but its not its real name. Between you and me we know its real name. Its a combination of our name, do you remember how we procured a name such as. In your eyes I could see us dancing in the night, under the pale moonlight. How do you like my hair? I know. Long, straight and black. Although I felt sick with black because with black you can't see the secrets that lies behind. I am terribly sorry to admit that when I dyed my hair blond, all the stars fell down and replaced with a glow that covers all worries and sorrows caused by the stubborness of our heads. But we can't hide all these forever as they will prevail when their time comes. You just have to re-touch the broken areas of our mistakes. Honey, I love your hands, your big, thick fingers while mine is smaller and more frail. You held my hand like a delicate baby. You would wash all those dishes for me while I cook your favorite. Such a lovely thing. If I would ask you my favorite filling in a chocolate or ice cream or in a doughnut, would you say the right answer. Yes you will because I asked you before and you said 'Caramel'. I love Caramel. The first pair of Chucks that I have was from you and everytime I wear those shoes I always feel young like nineteen. But we don't get any younger, we grow older and at some point grew weary of each other. Its a big wonder how we ended up like a ran down house in the middle of Lonely Grove. Can we fix us now we are broke? Can we glue our feet on that special room where all our thoughts rest on the same vault we call love. We are publicly humiliated darling but I don't give a shit!

Letter from a Fox: Life's chiennes!

Life has a lot of meaning. It has a lot of ups and downs. It has a lot of reasons and a lot of experiences that we face. At some point of my life, I have reached the level of hopelessness. Even there are families, friends and people who are close to you are there beside you but the most important things in your life that's been soaked and tested to trouble they could not even solve. How could they? When there was one person who supposed to help you could not give his best for you. The same person drained your hope, love and trust. If life is beautiful its only beautiful for people who have seen its beauty and it stayed with them. The beauty of life is not exactly for everybody. The beauty of life that I always wanted did not happen. I have come to realize that everything in life is just a dream and one day you have to find yourself waking up from all those dreams. For those people who envy me, its not worth it, because there is nothing to envy about me. I am not perfect and I am not awesome..I am actually a loser who is just good at hiding all my worries, problems in life. I feel like there is a void in me for having a simple, happy life. There are things that we really want in life but life play tricks on us. It's either to keep our hope elevated for having that dream or directly show us that it is not meant for us but both results to nothingness. Have you ever felt like a paper being blown by the wind carelessly? That is exactly what I felt when my plans in life were crashed. When a plan is crashed down to pieces of depression, you can't help yourself but wonder, why? If its true that people tells me that I am brave and that I am strong then why I have not achieved what I planned for? Is it because I did not give my best? How can somebody tells you that you did not give your best when there is nothing left already at your part. You will found your throat dry, tears dry, and heart dry. The blood that is pumping to your nerves throughout your body that adds glow to your physical appearance somehow fake. Add that killer smile that people envy a lot. They wished that they had your smile..they would be surprised its a fake smile. We should be careful of the things we do or say, we should watch our mouth for what ever words that spills out from it. Don't try to bring someone down! You have no idea that person is already down and you mistakenly pushed her face further on the ground because of your stupidity.

Letter from a Fox: Day by day...

Before when the days were bright and promising, I would always find myself day dreaming. We were together in a place I don't know where but it was somehow like a secret place where I always find you smiling and confident about us. Underneath a tree where you'd tell me things I have never heard before and I was too mesmerized I only hear your voice and stare into your bright eyes with so many possibilities. We were sea gulls in a wide open sky and below us is the vast blue sea.

If I would stretch out my hand further and gather my strength just to touch you while sleeping, if its the last time I would be able to embrace you..I would. I know I am a fool for love. But this was my life. You were my life. If a person would tell me that shifting life to a different life is easy then that person is a phantom. I am not and I was a happy person despite of all the hardships. If only you gripped my hand tighter or if only I gripped yours tighter..A love like ours was destined to happen but you can still call this love. This is the kind of love that teaches us to love more and to value the person. My life with you was not empty. It was not gray either. It was colorful. Red, Pink, Yellow, Green, Blue, Black and White.

I would wake up from now on reluctantly but I will move on. I can't stay crying every day. I would save these tears for the day when we meet again. Like unread love letters..unsent. I would read them out loud for you. I know, loneliness visits you often, it visits me too..I just don't know who it visits first..me or you..but if you do feel lonely at times, I do too. We know, we do not deserve to be separated from all the things we have been through. I am still your best friend. I told you many times and the most remarkable was when we were walking on a crowded road and you told me all your insecurities. From then on, I promised to you I will be your best friend for life. I may ask you every day from afar about the weather. The weather concerns me a lot especially for you. Bad weather, negative feelings..but even Good weather reminds us of good times but since we are apart, good times are like mirrors..with our situation, its too sad to face mirrors. I see a smokey image of you..you felt cold but what matter is, I could still feel you. You are still here...with me.