Letter from a Fox: Growing Love

Do you remember how we first met? How my searching eyes found your searching soul. I was not so sure about you and you were not to. I found you in an odd way I consider kismet..

I don't know but talking to you everyday makes me happy..makes me lively. Its like I cannot call it a day without seeing you and your sweet smile. Even your eyes smile for me..I feel that its going to be mine. I have found a deeper courage this time for love. I will keep you this time..at this very moment my feelings for you is burning like the brightest fire in a dark and cold desert.

I know I talk like a fool sometimes..I act like a fool..a fool for love. I cannot stop myself from keeping in touch with you. I can't stop now..you have become a part of my life. I would always wait in front of the monitor for your messages that would warm up my uncertain and dying hope that it will be me and you in the nearest future.

Have you ever heard or felt the unspeakable kind of love? A love that makes me weak and strong. A love that makes me cry and pray. A love that embraces me whenever I see you in front me even when we are thousand miles apart. I can see a new groovy kind of love between you and me. I really feel you are finally home. You just have to realize it and I am here to help you.

I always dream of you because you are my ideal. The one whom I can hold for a lifetime. I know this because I have been waiting for you for such a long time. Is it silly to ask you the same things every time we talk? Why does it sometimes feel so hard to tell you what I really feel inside me? I always cut the words that could change your way..and maybe a way towards me. You are the reason I can run and sing in the rain!

You make my long sleepless nights shorter and brighter. With you, I can feel forgiveness to all my past love who have become stars instead of sad tearful memories. My sad desperate call..please answer my aching heart. I won't give up this time. I will give you my best..a quest for true love. Give me a chance to show you..how much I can love you..how much I long for you.

Letter from a Fox: The Beautiful One

Every day that God makes, I wait you...I wait for a new excitement with you. You are so beautiful. I cannot imagine finding a person like you. I never thought that I would never feel this way again after a very sad separation. You have lit a thousand candles in my darkest hours. With you, I start to believe that a broken mirror can be whole again. Can I ask you a question?...Are you the right one for me? My heart is crying for an answer for quite a long time now.

Every word you leave, leaves me breathless. By the way, you are just exactly the way I was with the bright eyes I used to admire. Because of that, you keep me hanging on with you. I have found my reflection. How I treasure your words..'I want to have you in reality and not just in dreams.' Someone like you..appreciates me more than I deserve..more than I thought and wished.

There is a saying, 'All beautiful things have their end'...

Just look at the fire, so bright and flaming but after some time it dies out and turns to dust. So is a star..and so are you. My beautiful one..do you really have to come into my life and pass? Its like I have always known you can't stay long..because you are not meant for me. I can tell you why but I don't want to tell you right now. I am not ready yet for the plunge. If I do and swim under waters I know I will never find you anymore.

How can someone like you be forgotten? I will never forget you..you told me not to forget you. You are so funny beautiful one..you keep telling me I am your princess. Do I look any princess-like to you when you are the beautiful one. You are the pure and loving creature, not me. You might ask me, 'Why?' Because there are so many things you still do not know about me. Things that I try to cover up with my physical appearance and that makes me the ugly one. Is it a sin to love you naturally? Do I really have a corrupted heart? But if you try to see through it..its just you inside..just you.

I don't want to know when our expiration is. I just want to treasure every bit of you now. For the second time in my life, I do crazy, unbelieavable things that I once did for a life's dream of a true love. I chose you without trusting you..but just by completely loving you. You are so sweet and lovely and someone who cannot be found anywhere I go. Spare me and I know even the word 'Sorry' does not fit me.

Before I'd go to sleep tonight, I would dream of the morning to come when I can continue admiring and loving you. You are nailing down my heart..Beautiful One.

Letter from a Fox: A Man's Monologue

Who would care for what I really feel inside? I am man..

I may look hard and sometimes a pinhead when it comes to your emotions. but I am not an open book and you know it. I only opened up myself to you when I started to feel trusting you. Am I supposed to cry for a love that can be replaced after a week or a month? Am I strong or weak? If I will not cry in front of you will you think I am heartless? If I cry and you see, will you consider it as my sincerity for your well-being that I did not mean to harm?

From all my strength I found my weakness..and that is you. I am so sorry I did not get to protect you from my secrecies and lies. You should know, it does not mean I want to hurt or leave you..Sometimes, I want to know and feel how much you would want me back after a mistake. You are always the right one for me. Believe it or not, I do not have a wandering eye..and I only have your wonderful eyes. Look at me, you have made a loyal fan out of me. If I am the reason for all your tears, I am not afraid that one day He will ask all of these from my already under pressured soul. I want to show you my honesty and sincerity...my love.

How I'd wish you could see me now..see a memory of your beautiful face in my sad and lonely face. What can a man do after a separation? Cry? Have fun? Meet a woman or two? Two thousand and two hundred fifty five days with you and after that..a million years without you. A million light years without the light. The sun and the moon have proclaimed their allegiance to you beautiful one..The brightest star that dazzled the life in me. Why have all the stars lessened their sparkles when you left? What kind of a man I was and I made you leave.

Woman, you left me at exact seven-thirty in the evening..from then on my clock do not tick..the time in my heart is always an hour before you left. I was burning for the last time I felt the last warmth of your love. I could not imagine myself said the word, I Love You in the way I said it to you for the first time. Is this really how it feels when its at its end? Isn't it funny that we only feel the burning flame at the start and at the end..

My sweet and tender kiss. My soft cry. My crazy sleepless nights. My mesmerizing beautiful days..

Come back to me..before summer arrive..

Letter from a Fox: The Blonde Brunette

From now on the world will change its course. There will be no more late and lonely nights unlike a thousand times before. There would be no more reason to cry herself to sleep. No more anger to harvest from the very root of her painful emotions. She has finally learned that there is no use of looking back when the world is turning around.

From the color of her hair, from black to blonde..see the difference how darkness turned to light? From a cold smokey to a warm terra cotta eye makeup. No more smudged makeup and wet face from tears. The sound of her heels will be heard again not her silent bare foot steps. Her sweet laughter has awaken. She has finally came out from the underworld to the top of the world. No, there is no more reason for being so loving and understanding..she won't be the same anymore. You may have known her as the woman who always embraced you from your back and cry for love while you sleep but she won't do it anymore..its not her style from now on. The history of the famous self sacrificing and self denying woman is revealed to all of you who misunderstood her. She is not afraid for all of you to know that her decisions are not meant for somebody but for her.

Her grace will be restored again and her precious smile won't be wasted this time. She will dance to the tune of her favorite song when she was young. She will sing again and you will hear the fresh melody of her voice. Not cracked but full and promising. As she wave her floral handkerchief goodbye to all the sister sorrows who tried to bring her down. Please don't cry for her, she is physically healthy and mentally wealthy..

Yet, she still know the words like 'love' and 'dreams' she is not heartless. The stars at night are shining brightly only for her. The army of angels are at her back. The wonderful future is ahead. Her newly painted hair is flapping freely with the wind of wonderful wits.


How can she be forgotten? The blonde brunette of your life.

Letter from a Fox: Dreamcatcher

As I hang on with full hope that one day you will realize I am your capteur de rêve. Since the day I came to your life I always have this feeling that I will be special to you. Days, months and years may pass but as long as you keep me here in your room I will do my best to protect you. I would catch all your bad dreams and I promise they will disappear in the first light of the day. I will only allow and slide down good dreams in your sweet and bright eyes. To see you smile while you sleep gives joy to my solitary life. If I would be given a chance I would stay here for a lifetime. I will never leave you. I will guide you and take you to places I have been in dreams and show you my capabilities.

Being me is quite hard. I have lots of unspoken feelings for you. Sometimes I find myself crying for a love that would never be. But do not worry, I will still stay here to trap the things that makes you lonely and sorrowful. If only my feathers could wipe away your silver tears and let them dry with me..

I remember the day when I was blown so hard by the wind and I fell on the floor. You found me and cried. You thought I was injured..it was a happy memory..you cared for me and it was real.

You would not need to leave the light open while you sleep. There is nothing to be afraid of in the dark. I am here. I may look breakable but I am not what I look from the outside. I am brave and courageous. I am a warrior. I am the spirit of dreams. I have been sent in this form to keep my egoism low. You may ask why am I like this? Because I was once a selfish lover...I took my love for granted..the spirit of reality. I thought I could keep my other half with me in dreams and in dreams only we shall live and be together forever. Reality has awaken me and told me to stop dreaming. I did not want to accept it so I left and ran away.

I may seem as strange as my willow hoop, net and feathers but please let me be. I may look useless and dubious but please do not let me down. Do not take me away from your sight. Let me feel how to love and be appreciated again. If its not too much to ask, let me feel reality once more, mon cœur, mon amour.

Letter from a Fox: Sister Solitude

I have left everything in the air. Let the fire burn the pieces of each memories I have in my heart. Let the soil bury all the tears from my eyes...for they are not needed anymore.

I have left for love. I have left for the sake of our sanity. How much I loved..how much strength I gave to keep you in my desperate life. But its all over now. I must go my way to the place where I came from. It is not easy and it is actually hard to decide when I really can't make the last decision. My way is far from you. Where I won't see your bright eyes anymore. The one of the beautiful things in the world that was keeping me alive.

My last piece of the puzzle is forever gone. I would never be whole again. Once I lost you, I can never swim the ocean again like the way I used to. Goodbye to the summer sky and winter snow..farewell to the first bloom of mayflower in spring to the first dead maple leaf in autumn. I will see you all one day even the one who holds my heart. The river is near and road is still twelve miles away..I have to travel alone..with my sweet and tired feet.

Where is the colorful rainbow that appears after the rain? What about the five o'clock pink and orange sky in my childhood days? The park where I used to play hide and seek with my friends. All of them have come to pass and so our promises.

I won't touch you at this very moment that I am leaving, I am as cold as a pavement and you are a warm bed in a winter night. I won't bid you a sad goodbye..I want you to smile for the last time and that is all I will take with me. To the place where I can continue loving you for eternity without all these differences and uncertainties that kept us apart. I will love you until the world's finality. My beautiful destiny.

Letter from a Fox: Eagle Eyes

It all started out with this and that. It all started when you see right through me with your eagle eyes in a different way or I see right through you in my own and a bit crooked way. But the nights became a bit warmer than the usual and less lonely than the usual too. Somehow, you are just exactly like the one I always dreamed of and also had a few times. I can't imagine how you have found me. I thought that I could never do anymore wrong in my life. But here you are, tempting me to start up a bonfire and dance and be happy once again.

Its like a tall tale of Pecos Bill. I mean, you are my Pecos Bill. The cowboy who 'tamed the wild west', remember? How do you lassoed an angel and made her stay? I guess from all your experiences from the asylum made you who you are or what you are. I also came from somewhere but its more like a conservatory. I came from a place where I was thought to cultivate myself but I have been neglected and so I died. But then again, I am breathing once more when you've found me in the desert. Because of you at least I feel alive again but with a huge question in my mind, 'Will I die again?'

I must say, from the way you speak to me, write to me and the way you behave me is very much appreciated. I guess you will never know how important is your fleeting existence in my life. Knowing you is like missing the younger me. The one who was light-hearted and untroubled. You really do make me smile even when I am alone. Its like having a very special friend from Never Land who keeps telling me to play and play while you are young and go back home before dark. I was and I am wild and free.

I thought about it once or twice who you really are and I think..I feel like I know now who you are. You were also just like me. A star less brighter and less warmer which was passed and hit many times by the bigger and dangerous objects in the universe. I know it won't be long one of us would be blasted off from where we are located but know that we are special. We are what other stars envy. We may not be destined to live in the same galaxy but we understand each other's value. You are a priceless being. You are my wonderful cruiser and I am your sweet, little siren.